Portugal will teach me patience.
Portugal will try my patience.
Mike’s Mantra
If you are a regular reader of this blog (and thank you for being one!), you might have the impression that our life in Porto is all sunshine and lollipops. We traipse around the city, take pictures, visit old buildings, eat new food, and generally act like we’re on an extended vacation. I suppose as retired people, we are on a lengthy vacation.
Same Stuff, Different Place
But now that we’ve been here for a while, the newness has worn off. There are still lots of interesting things to do and see, and a lot of this country to explore, but our days now have some predictable routines. They are different from the routines we had in the US (there are no chickens to feed here), but the concerns of everyday life are the same. What will we have for dinner? Where do we go to buy shoes? Have the bills been paid?
The big difference is that we’re doing those things at the same time we’re learning a new set of cultural norms and while trying to learn a difficult language. Things that used to be familiar are now confusing, and often take much longer. I can complete a purchase at the local grocery store entirely in Portuguese because I know the standard questions I’ll be asked (Do you need a bag? Não. Do you need your parking ticket validated? Não.) and I can say thank you (Obrigado) after being handed the receipt.
But I couldn’t carry on an ad-hoc conversation with a two year old and automated phone menus (“Press 1 for….”) in rapid-fire Portuguese are a complete mystery.
The “Three Month Slump” is real
Before we moved, we read a lot of posts by other expats and immigrants. One person wrote about the “three month slump”. This is an occurrence that many people who move to new countries experience. After about 90 days they experience sudden longings for home, regret about their decision, and anxiety about their current circumstances. Most people work through these feelings and move on. Others decide it’s just too hard and return to wherever they came from.
It was good that we came here knowing about the slump, because each of us has felt it in different ways. We had an agreement: Whenever those feelings occurred, we would acknowledge them and talk them out.
Sometimes it’s been funny. While we were walking the dog one morning, Mary told me she was having a “Miss America day”. I was a bit surprised, and said I never knew she paid any attention to beauty pageants. She replied, “No, silly, today I miss America.”
Image Source: pt.wikipedia.org
On some days I have a feeling of isolation, even when I’m in a crowd. I can catch maybe one word out of twenty. It’s humbling. I’m a pretty good communicator. It’s a large part of how I made a professional living. But for now, it’s like I’m learning to talk all over again.
And on other days, it’s just damned frustrating. A few weeks ago, Mary wrote about the “Farmacia of the Future”, where her transaction was lightning fast. But other encounters are mind-bogglingly slow. It sometimes seems that for every bit of forward movement, there is something that sets us back or derails our progress.
One recent example was going to the doctor to get a simple exam we need to apply for Portuguese driver’s licenses. Besides the hour long wait to get in to see the doctor, we also found that our new insurance cards didn’t work and that Mary’s NIF – the Número de Identificação Fiscal, a tax ID number that every resident is issued and that is required for almost every commercial transaction – appeared to be invalid.
Getting those problems sorted out took several days, multiple web site searches, a failed attempt at a phone call (a menu with seven options was just too many), and finally a visit to the local Finanças (tax authority) office. It turns out that Mary’s NIF was valid. The problem apparently was a glitch in the hospital’s system that recognized my number but not hers.
Let’s end on a happy note
Now I don’t want you to think I’m just whining here, because the experience reinforced three lessons that we relearn continuously:
First, things just work differently over here. We have to remember where we are and sometimes recalibrate our expectations. Back to where I started: Portugal will teach me patience…if I’m willing to learn.
Second, the online connections don’t always work. Glitches happen. Wires get crossed. Smile and deal with it.
Third, and most important, doing business face-to-face generally gets good results. We are constantly reminded that most Portuguese people are friendly and genuinely want to help a newcomer to their country.
And that’s enough to keep us taking two steps forward every day.
What valuable lesson have you learned lately? Share it in the comments below or via the Contact Form.
An old dog learning new tricks / Um cão velho aprendendo novos truques,
Mike
The Writer
Welcome back to the States!! I hope we can connect sometime during your visit. Eddie left Mary a voicemail today! We look forward to hearing from you and enjoy your visit! Love and Hugs, Sue & Eddie
Mike I was able to read your post in my email the way you sent it the 2nd time. I can’t figure out how to send you what my phone says when I tried to read it before. It says go back to safety and won’t let me see it. Says hackers will steal identity, passwords, etc. Glad you’re both hanging in there and don’t both go crazy every day. Alice
Dealing with ATT has resulted in similar frustrations for me. You can feel supported and not alone in dealing with bureaucracies around the world.
I can relate to your frustrations for sure. I was stationed in Thailand and in Germany and traveled throughout my career to many different countries. Military assignments are not the same but you do suffer through some of the issues you mentioned if you try to assimilate into their culture. All the best, find something to enjoy every day.
Worrying about life in a new place is a challengeing thought, so that being said enjoy it while you can oh and those steps my therapist said take two steps backwards then start again Edwin Richards Story
Interesting insights from your new experiences in a new country. So many challenges with the language and customs, etc. but I’m sure you can make it all work out and start enjoying all the wonderful things Portugal has to offer. Enjoy! Miss you both. Love, Sue and Eddie
I recently stumbled upon your blog and am enjoying it. My husband and I traveled to Portugal just prior to the pandemic and fell in love with the country and its people. We’re actively fantasizing about retiring there in a few years. Your blog helps with some of the more practical aspects of doing so, bringing some reality to our dream.
Hi Kathleen,
I’m happy that you found us and that the posts are useful for you. Keep dreaming, and when the time comes, seize the dream!
Kind regards,
Mike
I am one of those “new friends” you haven’t technically met yet but I hope to someday:-) Thank you for sharing your experiences honestly and authentically. A new life in a new country is bound to be a struggle at times and it makes us long for what was easier. But what if we hadn’t taken the leap? We might have ease but we’d also have the same old, same old. The routine that offered no challenge, and little growth. That’s what I have to keep in mind when the going gets frustrating. At least I’m frustrated and challenged lol! All the best to you and may we meet one day!
Hi Darci,
We’re looking forward to meeting you, too. Thanks for leaving a comment. We faced the same question about taking the leap. Our response was “if not now, when?” And even though there have been some challenges, the good experiences clearly tip the scales. I wouldn’t do it differently if I had the chance.
All the best,
Mike
Hello. I look forward to reading your posts. My husband and I are planning a move to Lisbon in April. I have lived abroad. He has lived in Texas his entire life. I even remember that feeling when we moved abroad and I was a child and feeling like an outsider. But by the time my family left England (four years), I felt like I was leaving my home. I have never felt quite at home in the US, and now as we retire, I want peace in my life. I’m sorry to say I don’t believe I will find it here in Texas and I am so looking forward to moving in April, despite knowing there will be days we struggle. Thank you so much for taking the time to write each week.
Hello Gayna,
Thanks for your note. It’s great to have you join the conversation. You’re in that exciting / stressful time of preparation for the move. I hope that you and your husband find what you’re looking for in Lisbon. We will be moving to that area in January and will look forward to meeting you in person after you arrive.
Take good care,
Mike
For those of us who are in the second category of your followers, honest examination of the Miss America days and the bumps in the road are extremely valuable! Struggling is painful, and even when you know that it’s for something worthwhile, even when you know that you make some of the biggest strides when things are hard, in the middle of a frustrating situation it can be difficult to remember that it’s all a process that (I think) everyone goes through.
Hi Heather,
I’m glad you found the post valuable. I’m fortunate that, on the days when I’m impatient or frustrated, Mary is there to remind me to take a deep breath and maybe walk away from the problem for a while. We have a standing rule: Only one of us can get crazy at a time. So I get my share of turns talking her off the ledge.
Our best to you and Jim,
Mike
Mike and Mary, thanks for sharing your honest feelings, trials and tribulations while living abroad! Any of us who have spent extended time traveling aboard and/or doing business internationally, know the surreal feeling of happiness when landing back on American soil.
Wishing you both the very best on continuing your journey to master the local language.
Cheers!
Hi Steve,
Thanks for leaving a comment. I know what you mean – I recall feeling relief and gratitude when arriving back in America after extended trips. At that moment I could relax a little because I knew how things worked and could understand the language. We will get to that level over here in time.
All the best,
Mike
Great blog Mike. Relearning takes patience and energy. And you both have that. Can’t wait to hear about your next adventure.
Hi Laurie,
Thanks for commenting. I think you’re right. And it takes a lot of energy just to be patient on some days!
Have a great week!
Mike
Dear Mike and Mary,
There is something quite lovely about your Miss America days. You get to see your home country through the lens of loss and see through new eyes what mattered. I know we all have out Miss Mike and Mary days on this side of the pond, but I’m comforted by the wise words of my sister-in-law: we are all where we are supposed to be.
Thank you, as always, for sharing your adventures with us.
Xo,
Nan
Hi Nan,
Thanks, as always, for your comment. I agree with your sister-in-law. I think too many people fall into a “grass is always greener” trap, wishing they were sompelace else and not fully experiencing or enjoying where they are.
All the best,
Mike
Great insights, Mike. I’ve always admired the people I met that had left their home country and moved to another country. It takes courage and determination to leave behind what you know and be open to a different way of life. I’ve enjoyed reading about your experiences and hope you and Mary continue to enjoy your adventure. (I’ve added Portugal to my travel bucket list.) Take care!
Hi Lori,
Thanks for leaving a comment. I’m happy to know that the post resonated with you. Also happy to hear you’re thinking of traveling to Portugal. Please stay in touch. We’d love to see you.
All the best,
Mike